HeyJaredPete Vonder Haar
- Indexed articles, last 90 days
- 11
- Latest publication
- Sep 26, 2026
- Outlet visibility, for Houston Press
- Top 1M sites
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 17, 2026
Latest articles
BABYMETAL Inexplicably Conquers The Woodlands - Houston Press (opens the original)
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BABYMETAL, Halestorm, Violent ViraCynthia Woods PavilionSeptember 25, 2026“Siri, what is a Babymetal?”Just kidding. I’d rather chew my own finger off, Zec style, than use one of those stupid “virtual assistants.” Where was I? Oh right, BABYMETAL. Trying to describe them — the music or the act itself — can be troublesome. You could try to start by citing their origins with the Japanese idol band Sakura Gakuin. But going into much detail might cause your intended audience’s eyes to glaze over.And
Reviews For The Easily Distracted: Resident Evil - Houston Press (opens the original)
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Title: Resident EvilDescribe This Movie In One Dawn of the Dead Quote:KENNETH: Is everyone there dead?STEVE: Or dead-ish. Brief Plot Synopsis: The gig economy just keeps getting worse.Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 4 biohazard stickers out of 5.Tagline: “Witness the origin of Evil.”Better Tagline: “Ever have one of those days?”Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Bryan (Austin Abrams) is a medical courier who’s about to have a very bad night. After making what he thinks is his last del
Reviews For The Easily Distracted: Practical Magic 2 - Houston Press (opens the original)
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Title: Practical Magic 2Describe This Movie Using One THE VVITCH Quote:WILLIAM: Did ye make some unholy bond with that goat?Brief Plot Synopsis: “The Simpsons Owenses are going to England!”Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 2.5 Black Sabbath albums out of 5.Tagline: “Everything you’ve witched for.”Better Tagline: “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good Botox needle, kid.”Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Having successfully suppressed her witchy powers for 25 years,
Reviews For The Easily Distracted: Onslaught - Houston Press (opens the original)
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Title: OnslaughtDescribe This Move In One Aliens Quote: RIPLEY: Get away from her you bitch!Brief Plot Synopsis: It’s tough out there for a single mom, even a well-armed one.Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 3 Cyberdyne Systems Mode 101s out of 5.Tagline: “To stop a killing machine you must become one.”Better Tagline: “Can’t we all just get along?” [is immediately shot in the face]Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Former Army sniper Celeste (Adria Arjona) fills her post-military life w
Reviews For The Easily Distracted: Coyote Vs. Acme - Houston Press (opens the original)
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Title: Coyote vs. AcmeDescribe This Movie In One Jurassic Park Quote: JOHN HAMMOND: I don’t believe it! You’re meant to come down here and defend me against these characters, and the only one I’ve got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer!DONALD GENNARO: Thank you.Brief Plot Synopsis: Road Runner, the Coyote’s after you.Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 3 Hungrii flea-baggius out of 5.Tagline: “The Movie ACME Didn’t Want You To See.”Better Tagline: “Or Warner Bros., for that mat
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