HeyJaredLizzi McGann
- Indexed articles, last 90 days
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- Latest publication
- Sep 24, 2026
- Outlet visibility, for Fact-checking the governor’s campaign attack ads - The Daily Cardinal
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- Sep 3, 2026
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ASM now outsourcing jerking off the student body (opens the original)
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All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news. In the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s endless endeavor to make students’ voices feel heard, the Associated Students of Madison (ASM) threaten to continue representing students, especially the horniest among us. Sex Out Loud (SOL), a student organization dedicated to reducing stigma around sexual topics of all kinds, fondled the
RFK Jr. brings health back to Memorial Union Terrace (opens the original)
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In his “Make College Healthy Again” tour of universities across the United States, Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. made an appearance in Madison this week to examine meal options on campus. Kennedy left changing dining recommendations and regulations in his wake on earlier stops along the tour, and the University of Wisconsin-Madison was no different. UW Dining and Culinary Services is starting their rollout of Kennedy’s revamped meal plan at the Memorial Union Terra
Tales from Interim Chancellor Wilcots’ office-warming rager in Bascom Hall for “all the other deans who thought I couldn’t do it” (opens the original)
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In an effort to christen his new chancellor’s office, University of Wisconsin-Madison Interim Chancellor Eric Wilcots invited College of Letters & Science staff and faculty to spend the last evening of the summer celebrating his promotion from L&S Dean. At long last, with the help of Mead Witter sound engineers, humanities professionals have shaken the foundations of Bascom Hall. Former Athletic Director Chris McIntosh hosted a pregame in Music Hall, where he donned a Bucky head and performed an
The Beet dives deep in an exclusive tell-all with Tom Tiffany (opens the original)
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All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news. Just three weeks after winning the Republican Gubernatorial Primary, Representative Tom Tiffany sat down with The Beet for a tell-all interview (edited for clarity). Tiffany spoke for almost seven hours (seemingly making a half-hearted attempt at the first-ever filibuster in Vilas) on the biggest issues of this race but was able to
Hydrogen bomb v.s. coughing baby: The Wisconsin Badgers take on Notre Dame at Lambeau Field (opens the original)
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All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish are slated to plow through the Wisconsin Badgers just weeks before their offensive line is ravaged by injuries and has Wisconsinites asking, “Is this God’s payback for the data centers?” The organizers of the Shamrock Series told The Beet the idea for this matchup came when a Badger fan remarked that s
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