HeyJaredZach Hively and Other Mishaps
The Fool's Gold humor column that might have wiped out the newspaper industry. Still weeklyish. Always a significant chance at dogs.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 12
- Latest publication
- Sep 25, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 10, 2026
Latest issues
Su Casa No Es Mi Casa (opens the original)
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Every now and again, I get the feeling that I’m absolutely, effortlessly, tapped into the zeitgeist. This happened again when I read the following from my friend, Jennie O’Connor, who is a witch with one finger on the pulse and a whole spell book capable of stopping that pulse:“I have a ritual now when I travel, wherein I make a plea to the Universe to arrive at my destination ‘safely and without incident.’ Since implementing this, I haven’t had any flight delays or lost luggage—not even so
Throwing Down the Towel (opens the original)
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It’s a tale as old as terrycloth. I was showering way too late one recent evening, because how is anyone supposed to make dinner and do dishes and maintain personal hygiene while also getting the recommended hours of sleep? It’s just not possible—not without a dedicated staff to do some of the sleeping for you.So there I am, managing to shower for maybe the second time this month. It’s soothing all my nerves. Now that I’m finally in the shower, I never want to get out. I will, because a water he
New Mexico: We Ain’t New Anything (opens the original)
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I’ve had my readers ask, from time to time, why I don’t write more topically. There’s so much going on in the world worth lampooning, they both point out; why not mine that gold?The answer is frankly that I’m playing the long game. By which I mean, I write for a couple papers whose deadlines are twenty-four, sometimes as many as forty-eight, hours before publication. Most topical news cycles nowadays expire faster than the chicken dish I accidentally left on the counter overnight. My words are e
Squashed Dreams (opens the original)
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The daylight hours are getting shorter, the holiday season is bearing down upon us, and all consumer goods from hot dogs to Honda Accords come with pumpkin spice flavoring a little bit earlier than last year. But not everything this time of year need be tainted by such doom and gloom. For instance, autumn is also the season when plants die. In their stead, they leave behind delicious plant babies for us humans to eat. Home gardeners today share in a long-running tradition with humankind’s origin
Radio Will Never Die (opens the original)
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I sat for a radio interview the other day, and I have to be real with you: I did not fully clock that broadcast radio still uses actual radio waves, completely separate and distinct from wherever you get your podcasts.Did you realize this? Or did you also presume that “radio” was some quaint anachronism, much the same as how people my age and above still “tape” a video and use our “phones” to ignore you when you “call”?<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/im
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