HeyJaredZach Helfand
- Indexed articles, last 90 days
- 5
- Latest publication
- Aug 31, 2026
- Outlet visibility, for The New Yorker
- Top 50K sites
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 13, 2026
Latest articles
All Rise! Coyote Court Is Now in Session (opens the original)
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Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having business before this honorable court are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the court is now sitting. Today, the court will issue a decision in the case Coyote v. Acme. A special judge has been drafted into service. He is the Honorable Michael Levine, a personal-injury attorney known to TV and radio audiences in the New York City and Long Island area as Motorcycle Mike. His chambers are in Islandia, on Long Island, with tennis trophies on t
Extra! Extra! Read All About It . . . Again (opens the original)
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The Times has published sixty thousand nine hundred and sixty-some issues, so what are the odds that todayâs paper is the one you really want to read? âThe news doesnât change that much,â Aaron Reiss, an aspiring entrepreneur, said one recent morning. âA newspaper costs around four dollars, and itâs the quickest-expiring product in the world. Even milk lasts longer. So I was, like, What if I sell old news? Thatâs free for me, and itâs still good.â Reiss was on the corner of Thi
Extra! Extra! Read All About It . . . Again (opens the original)
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At the Old News Newsstand, yesterday’s headlines are today’s hot scoops—discarded Timeses, out-of-vogue Vogues, cool zines, even vintage smut.
Il Paradiso Italiano di Julian Schnabel (opens the original)
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Julian Schnabel took his first trip to Italy fifty years ago. “When I was in college, I was looking at these art-history books, and I thought, You can’t tell a damn thing about these things unless you go there and stand in front of them,” he said recently. So, he went there and stood in front of them: Giotto’s frescoes in the Cappella degli Scrovegni, Piero della Francesca’s paintings in Arezzo, some Duccio, some Caravaggio. He liked the art, and he liked the Italians. “In the United States, eve
Rope-a-Dope (opens the original)
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The largest person I met at the Enhanced Games, a mini Olympics for steroid users that was held in Las Vegas this past May, was a six-foot-ten, three-hundred-and-twenty-pound Russian man named Lukas Lakutsin. He was having lunch near the pool at the Fontainebleau. He wore a tank top, and I was staring, perhaps inappropriately, at the veins in his forearms. I shook his hand. I felt like a newborn clasping onto his father. The pecs, the traps. I asked him what he’d ordered to eat. He replied, “Eve
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For The New Yorker, the outlet · Measured Aug 1, 2026
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