HeyJaredYou Can Call Me El
Parenting dispatches, book chat and important thoughts from me, your good friend
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 12
- Latest publication
- Sep 27, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 8, 2026
Latest issues
Week 22: when the baby is suddenly very Tall (opens the original)
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I wake in the morning to an odd, watchful atmosphere in the room. I turn over to find two big eyes silently staring back through the darkness, like a horror film. I stifle a scream. The baby smiles at me, creepily. *We have a new game: Tall Baby. What you do is, you sit with the baby facing you on your lap. Then you hold both her hands and pull her arms straight up until she’s standing, arms above her head. And then you say, ‘Tall baby!!!!’ and she grins in open-mouthed delight. It’s a good game
Week 21: I slept, bitch (opens the original)
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Every month is a brand new month for the baby. This is her first ever September. Imagine.*The furious kicks continue. I can’t emphasise enough just how fast they are. Think of a sprint cyclist in the final stages of a race. M and I discuss what sport she’ll be a pro at, and how difficult it’ll be for us having a jock for a daughter instead of a nerd, and how she’ll beat us up and take our lunch money.*She still looks just like Tintin, if Tintin was a punk rocker. Several people have asked if I s
Week 20: No sleep and the world no sleeps with you (opens the original)
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1st September this week! Or indeed last week, as I’m writing this on a delay. Welcome, new school year vibes. Please, take a minute to reflect on how far you’ve come this year! What would you like to do or feel over the next few months? My goals are: Make plans and go outside every day. Move my body. Dress the baby in adorable autumnal clothes. Give the baby her “daily” vitamin D drop more than once every four to six weeks.*The weather is cooler at last — a shock given the madness of the summer.
Uh oh! Sharing My Positive Birth Story As If I’m Some Kind of Earth Mother (opens the original)
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I did a lot of grim prep and planning for birth. Much of this ranged from dire to boring — breathing exercises, mantras, perineal massage, listening to maddening hypnobirthing soundtracks of a woman telling me to “soften, sssssoften.”The most fun part of this homework was to immerse yourself in positive birth stories. This, I could do. I read so many. They were inspiring, comforting, deeply reassuring in their variety. They made me less scared, and I hoped one day I’d get to write one, and repay
Weeks 18 and 19: holiday mode baby (opens the original)
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On holiday with my parents this week, thinking every day how much more sense it makes to live in multigenerational family units. There’s always someone to hang out with the baby. I’ve been able to shower in leisurely fashion, eat sitting down using a knife and fork, read a whole, actual book. All these luxuries.*Taking a moment to notice that man, four months is such a nice age. I don’t know when the baby entered a phase where she only really cries when something is obviously wrong. There are ex
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