HeyJaredUnsolicited Advice from Mia Schachter
Consent philosophy exploring the grey space between yes and no.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 8
- Latest publication
- Sep 23, 2026
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- Jul 10, 2026
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Why is enthusiastic consent on its way out? (opens the original)
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I don’t know about you, but the first time I had sex I was not what I would call “enthusiastic.” It was totally consensual, but I was definitely not enthusiastic. I was nervous, I was insecure, I was afraid it was gonna hurt, or that I would be bad at it, or that I would fart in the middle of it. I can’t even say I wanted to do it in the moment that I chose to so much as I wanted to have done it.What would you like to ask a consent educator? Submit your questions <a href="https://consentwizardry
People pleasing is a control tactic. Doing things for others is rooted in your values. (opens the original)
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C asks: I’m a recovering people pleaser and I’m having trouble distinguishing between what’s people pleasing and what’s doing things I don’t want to do, or doing things for other people even if I don’t really want to. I value community and I care a lot about my friendships and my family and I know that sometimes I’m going to do things I don’t “enthusiastically” consent to and that’s okay, but I guess I’m just wondering from your perspective, how do you differentiate between doing things for othe
The Social Media Diet That’s Ruining Your Relationships (opens the original)
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B asks: I have a history of domestic abuse (growing up with it, and as an adult having had one relationship that at least verged on it). My Instagram algorithm must ‘know’ I am preoccupied with this topic, as it is filled with content about ‘red flags’ about men in relationships. I am a queer woman in a six-year, loving relationship with a queer man. It’s only in the last year that I have become obsessively preoccupied with this idea of ‘red flags’, which tracks the news cycle becoming increasin
The Difference Between Harm and a Brain Fart (opens the original)
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G asks: My partner asked if they could splash me in the park, I said no and they did it anyway. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but why I can’t let it go? (Full question below.)What would you like to ask a consent educator? Submit your questions here and I’ll answer them on this Substack.Preorder my forthcoming book, How to Do Consent Without Sounding Like A Robot, <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/826772/how-to-do-consent-without-sounding-lik
When I’m people pleasing, I’m not trustworthy (opens the original)
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V asks: I would like some pointers or advice on how to move on after *failed* consent interactions, as the person on the receiving end of the people pleasing.I had a relationship with a chronic people pleaser that ended badly, and now find myself doubting new relationships and that people can advocate for themselves. I especially noticed that I completely severed the ‘exploration’ option from the roster, but also can’t differentiate an enthusiastic ‘yes’ from people pleasing, so there isn’t much
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