HeyJaredTwo Dicks in a Bar
Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join
- Indexed episodes, last 90 days
- 11
- Latest publication
- Sep 24, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 9, 2026
Latest episodes
A Bald Guy from Georgia, the One-Armed Cook, and the Return of the Bush (opens the original)
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Somebody rips the stall door off the bar bathroom and blames a bald guy from Georgia who never existed, which leaves the one-armed ex-cook as the only other suspect. Also: a live on-air Google confirms the full bush is officially back, and a tramp stamp that supposedly predates the term.
Guessing Tom Cruise's Height, Practical Magic Regret, and the Flashpoint Paradox (opens the original)
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A Sandra Bullock/Nicole Kidman/Tom Cruise height-guessing game turns into an actual Google competition, and Tom Cruise still comes up short. That segues into a Practical Magic sequel review 28 years in the making, which mostly involves someone's mom threatening to walk out. Then it's a full-blown DC multiverse lecture — Flashpoint Paradox, evil Martha Wayne, the whole thing — that nobody asked for but everybody stayed for.
Minus 52 Points for Being a Good Listener (opens the original)
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Fantasy football draft recap turns into a public shaming when someone admits his bedroom superpower is "being a good listener" and gets docked 52 points on the spot. Also: a door hinge finally gets fixed after nearly taking someone out, a bathroom sink that just won't turn off, and a long, confused conversation about a niece's TikTok candy-bucket career that nobody at the table can explain.
Chinese Subtitles, a Returned Stolen Semi, and a Crying Stripper (opens the original)
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Somebody decides they’re now watching every movie in Chinese subtitles from here on, right after explaining why porn is better with captions. Also: a stolen trailer gets guiltily returned two hours later, a debate over whether lap dances improve when the stripper’s crying, and a full apocalypse survival plan that ends with eating the dog.
Balancing the Budget by Nuking Everyone First (opens the original)
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An argument about flock cameras spirals into a full federal budget rebuild — 30% off the military, a corporate tax hike, and a surprisingly confident case for striking first with nukes. Also: a Darth Vader cosplayer testifies at a town hall, a smallpox scar becomes a two-needle forensic investigation, and Dolly Parton’s death sends the whole bar into a genuinely sweet detour.
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