HeyJaredThoughts from a Therapist
Reflections on building stronger relationships in a modern culture.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 8
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- Sep 29, 2026
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- Jul 8, 2026
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Is Your Boundary Really a Behavior Modification Program? (opens the original)
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Last week I wrote about how tangled up I’ve gotten with the word boundaries. You can read more about that here.I do believe in boundaries. They are a necessary part of a life well-lived, and relationships that are well-maintained over the life span. What I’ve stopped trusting is how casually we use the word. It’s often assumed that anything labeled a boundary is automatically healthy. Water is healthy and necessary too. But too much water can kill you. I use this dramatic example partially becau
The Cost of Keeping the Light On (opens the original)
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An anonymous mother sent me this poem, written in her own words, and gave me permission to share it.If you’ve ever stood in the doorway of your own life while your child rewrote your history in language you don’t speak, I hope this helps you feel seen.<source type="image/we
When Boundaries Make Us Smaller (opens the original)
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As a family therapist, I have come to develop a very complicated relationship with the word boundaries. On the one hand, boundaries are as natural and necessary as our own skin barrier. It’s vital to pay attention to what we are allowing to cross that barrier and what we ought to keep out. The same goes for our minds and relationships. Everyone needs boundaries.But in the vast intersection of social media, therapy, therapy culture, and “therapy speak,” I’ve witnessed increasing confusion about t
The Family We Are Becoming (opens the original)
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I have a new goal for this space.I plan to continue the conversations about families and relationships in a more formal way—discussing theory, systems, and practical applications in the service of improving our relationships.But the writer in me is also a little self-indulgent.I loved the days when diary blogging permeated the internet. Glimpses into other people’s minds and hearts, daily musings, snippets of ordinary life. They were a fun part of my reading repertoire, and writing them was a bi
The Shape Shifter in Every Relationship (opens the original)
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This is Part 3 in an ongoing series on differentiation, the lifelong work of becoming more fully yourself while remaining deeply connected to other people. In Part 1, I introduced the concept and the three questions I keep returning to. In Part 2, we looked at how to tell whether you’re actually becoming more differentiated, or just becoming more comfortable avoiding discomfort. This piece picks up where both left off: what anxiety actually does to us in the mom
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