the tender poets club

1. Issue · Aug 19, 2026

   i’m not good but i’m better (opens the original)

   Excerpt · Critical tone

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   I am still horrified by the inevitable passage of time, but not for the same reasons as before. For more than half of my life, I wanted to die. In the past, when I approached the subject of my suicidality, I defaulted to poetic language with phrases like “I just want the pain to end,” or “I feel like I have no other option.” While those feelings may have been true, they are still platitudes. To candidly say “I want to die” can feel harsh and violent, but it is the truth; I wanted to bring violen

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2. Issue · Jul 26, 2026

   i am constantly grieving the version of myself who didn't want to be alive (opens the original)

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   cw // suicidal ideationNow that I’m no longer actively suicidal, I’m unpacking all the choices I made because I didn’t expect to live this long. The risky behavior. The recklessness. The deep-seated belief I did not deserve to be loved.I’m also unpacking the decisions I made that have affected my long-term plans. For example, I can’t have children now, but in my early 20s, I decided (assumed) I didn’t want to have children because of my visceral fear of dying my suicide. I believed tha

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