HeyJaredThe Stitched Gazette
A small paper about being human. Witness, humor, and field notes for living.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 16
- Latest publication
- Oct 1, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Aug 9, 2026
Latest issues
THE ALARM REPORT🧵🗞️ Between Stitches (opens the original)
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Filed following several complaints regarding tone.━━━━━━━━━━━━Residents are advised that angerhas been detectedon the premises.Initial reportsentered the conditionas attitude.Supporting descriptions includeddifficult,dramatic,overreacting,and"making a big deal out of nothing."Inspection of nothingis ongoing.━━━━━━━━━━━━INCIDENT HISTORY</h2
BETWEEN DEPARTURES 🧵🚏 THE STITCHED STATION September 2026 • Vol. 2 (opens the original)
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Filed from:a seat someonehad just left.The seat was still warm.The person who sat there beforewas already somewhere else.A newspaper remainedfolded against the window.The corner of one page liftedeach time the door opened.No one claimed it.At the next stop,someone boarded.They stood in the aislefor a moment,looking at the empty seat.“Is anyone sitting here?”“No.”Technically true.They sat.The warmth remainedfor a little while.Then it
🌕 HARVEST MOON EXCEEDS AUTHORIZED CAPACITY 🧵🗞️ BETWEEN STITCHES (opens the original)
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Filed from the backyard,where several residentshave looked upand said,Well.Shortly after sunset,an unusually large orange objectappeared above the trees.Initial assessment identifiedthe object as the moon.Further review identified itas the Harvest Moon.This did notresolve the situation.SIZEThe moon has becomenoticeably more moon.The Department has not authorizedan increase in lunar capacity.Measurements takenusing the human thumb<
CORE STRENGTH REMAINS LARGELY THEORETICAL 🧵🤣 KEEPING YOU IN STITCHES (opens the original)
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Filed from the floor,where the situationwas reassessed.Department of Physical AspirationsIncident Report 18-BFiled after one residentattempted an exercise routinewhose confidence exceededits structural engineering.━━━━━━━━━━━━Witnesses reportthe participant successfully completedapproximately one-thirdof a plankbefore initiatingthe Department’srecommended recovery protocol.The protoco
RECEIVING 🌾 THE STITCHED ALMANAC Vol. 3 • September 2026 (opens the original)
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Maintained at the Old Mill,where gradual changeis noticed before it is missed.September has been entered.This morning,an apple was foundbeneath the tree.No storm was recorded overnight.The branch above itremains intact.Yesterday,the apple belongedto the tree.This morning,it lies beside it.The skin is unbroken.One side has takenthe shape of the grass.Nearby,an acorn restson the path.Another has rolledbeneath the fence.Along the
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