HeyJaredThe RISE to Intimacy Podcast
If intimacy feels like pressure instead of pleasure, you're not alone - and there's a reason why.Licensed sex and couples therapist Valerie McDonnell breaks down the real barriers to connection that most people don't even know exist.
- Indexed episodes, last 90 days
- 9
- Latest publication
- Sep 8, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 7, 2026
Latest episodes
When Past Relationship Trauma Shows Up With a New Partner (opens the original)
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Past relationship trauma can quietly shape the relationship you're in now, even when your current partner has done nothing to cause it. Your ex cheated on you, so you check your partner's phone. Or a former partner emotionally disappeared when things got serious, so now you find yourself bracing for the same thing to happen again. This is one way betrayal trauma can follow you into a new relationship. Your brain may understand that your current partner is different, while your nervous system ...
The Difference Between Boundaries and Ultimatums in Relationships (opens the original)
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You’re trying to be clear about what you need in your relationship, so you draw a line and tell yourself you’re setting a boundary. But when your partner responds with defensiveness instead of change, it may be worth asking whether what you communicated was actually a boundary or an ultimatum. A boundary stays focused on your own limits and what you’re willing to do. An ultimatum shifts the focus toward controlling your partner’s behavior or forcing a specific outcome. The concern underneath ...
How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in Your Sex Life (opens the original)
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If you’re checking how long it's been since you last had sex or bringing up an ex just to see how your partner reacts, you've probably told yourself it's harmless. But what if the behaviors you’re using to feel safer in your relationship are actually creating more distance between you and your partner? Anxious attachment doesn’t always look like obvious clinginess or pursuit. Sometimes it shows up through testing, monitoring, or keeping score, especially when your nervous system is looking fo...
Sex Therapy and Couples Therapy Shouldn’t Be Separate (opens the original)
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Couples can spend months or even years working on communication, conflict, and trust without ever talking about what is happening in their sex life. Once sexual concerns come up, their couples therapist may refer them to a sex therapist, almost as if sex is a separate problem that needs to be handed off to someone else. Part of the reason is that many couples therapists were never formally trained to talk about sex. That can leave couples doing important work on their emotional connection whi...
How Trauma Affects Your Romantic Relationships (opens the original)
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A calm, steady relationship can start to feel like something is missing, even when nothing seems wrong. If you have a trauma history, quiet may be harder to trust than chaos ever was. What feels like boredom or incompatibility may be your nervous system mistaking calm for the absence of love or desire. Trauma can also show up when you pull away as soon as a relationship starts to feel good, use sex or being desired as proof of your worth, or feel drawn to dynamics that do not always make sens...
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