HeyJaredThe Rachel Johnson Papers
Not sure what this personal Substack is about which should be concerning but I have such fun writing it ("Take this pudding away - it has no theme!" Churchill).
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 6
- Latest publication
- Sep 26, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 10, 2026
Latest issues
51. Domestos Goddess (opens the original)
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‘We had a terrible row just before you all arrived,’ I was saying in a stage whisper over breakfast on Sunday morning, fortified by an iron skillet of bacon and eggs sizzled on the Aga. We’d reached the toast and second round of coffee stage, and the reason I was whispering was my husband Ivo was still upstairs in bed after a restless night, and I didn’t want him to hear my whinge and rev up the row again.Geoff’s buttery knife remained poised over the jar of marmalade. Like many men, he can’t mu
50. Taxi Driver Tales (opens the original)
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This is not happening, I thought, as I jabbed at my phone to magic up a hybrid to convey me noiselessly to a Central London studio within minutes. But my Uber app had vanished, and wouldn’t re-install, and was then “locked.”Meanwhile, no black cabs were plying their licensed trade on Upper Tooting Road, where I was soaking up the vibrant multicultural scenery when this tech glitch occurred, outside a store called Niqaab and opposite Daily Fresh Naan, a bakery that has become a firm family favour
49. Canned Laughter (opens the original)
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My youngest son asked me to make a speech at his wedding in Surrey last Saturday. I was very flattered to be even invited, as given the Beckham family meltdown over the Brooklyn nuptials, you can’t take anything for granted these days.I fully expected to be asked to sign a pre-nup agreeing not to wear a slip dress of my own design, dance “on” Oliver to any of Our Songs (especially not Toploader’s Dancing in the Moonlight), but in the end was only told not to speak for more than five minutes. I w
48. The Larder They Come (opens the original)
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Things I never lust after when I go to people’s houses in the country: Olympic swimming pool, media centre, party barn, guest pagoda or cottage, sauna, home gym, home office, kitchen island the size of an aircraft carrier, ensuite bathrooms for every room, California closets, present-wrapping room, seven-car garage with automatic door, scrunchy gravel drive, horses in climate controlled stables, landscaped parkland with Nic Fiddian-Green horse’s head, baronial hall with Tracey Emin neon scribble
47. And the new PM is...Larry the Cat! (opens the original)
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Not being a cat person myself I can only mumble my respects here at the way an ancient, moth-eaten rescue cat - full title, according to the drone who runs his eponymous account on X, “Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office. 19 year old tabby” - has won on every score this week and every week for 15 years. Shall we count the ways?The Rachel Johnson Papers is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.<form cl
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