HeyJaredThe Personal Growth Project
Raising awareness of abuse and control through memoir and educational reflections. Putting words to the stories of abuse that are left unspoken. I hope you feel less alone through these words.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 11
- Latest publication
- Sep 20, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 12, 2026
Latest issues
When Healing Becomes Another Expectation (opens the original)
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Have you heard the saying, “your trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility?”What does that even mean?For me, it lacks compassion. Your trauma is not your fault. Period. Abuse is not your fault. Period. You did not choose to have an abusive relationship. Period.You were looking to that person for love and connection and for safety in the bond between you. You don’t need the memo that healing is your responsibility.We often feel pressure to heal in a certain way, and that pressu
When Your Reaction is Blamed for the Abuse (opens the original)
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One way in which an abusive relationship fosters a sense of false responsibility is when the abuser focuses on the outcome, not the cause, of relationship problems. They place responsibility for relationship difficulties on your response to their behaviour, your attempts to set boundaries, or steps you take towards independence. You may hear something like, “The relationship would be great if you didn’t act that way,” or “I wouldn’t do X if you didn’t do Y.”What deepens the sense of false respon
Things I’ve Thought About Abuse This Week (opens the original)
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I suppose my central idea for an essay this week is that I didn’t have a central idea. I have been sifting through my “survivor thoughts” and trying to pin down which one to expand on. And then it occurred to me that, in itself, is often what it’s like to be an abuse survivor. Thoughts about abuse, an old threat, or being “the problem” run alongside each interaction. Or when our mind wanders, we find ourselves being tugged between what abuse had us believe and what we’ve worked so hard to believ
When You’re Always the One Getting It Wrong (opens the original)
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One thing I learned during abuse recovery is how easily a put-down can be concealed within something that looks like connection.My ex used to say to me that although I may be an author, he had a better grasp of language because of his private school education. Now, out of context, it does just sound kind of dickish. But these comments don’t happen in a vacuum. This was the same man that supported me and was proud of my work. He lifted me up, but the thing that was hard to put my finger on at the
When Leaving Means Losing Hope (opens the original)
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When we think of what we lose at the end of an abusive relationship, one thing I wouldn’t have realised was hope. It’s a complicated relationship between abuse and hope. When I was with my abusive ex, it was staying in the relationship that was actually protecting me from facing the reality of loss. It was staying in the relationship that enabled me to continue to feel hope. I could hold onto the hope that things could get better, and hope that the future could turn out the way I had envisioned.
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