HeyJaredThe Minimizer
Detailed instructions for building a waterslide in your back yard.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 6
- Latest publication
- Aug 29, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 4, 2026
Latest issues
The Fall Summer Movie Preview is Here (opens the original)
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It’s nearly September, so you know what that means: it’s time for that annual tradition, my Summer Movie Preview!You might be thinking, Summer movies? You idiot! It’s late August. I’m in an open-knit fair isle sweater, standing on a ladder made of corn husks, decorating my eaves with figs and quince! “Summer movies” have come and gone!Well, guess what? Maybe you don’t remember a hilariously bleak marketing tag used by the National Broad
How I Met Your Father (opens the original)
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“Daddy, today at school, we found a picture of you on the toilet.”This was the report one day from my oldest son, then in first grade. After some light parental detective work, we were able to determine that a teacher’s aide, hoping to demonstrate the utility of search engines, had allowed our kids to Google themselves in Computer Lab. In my boy’s case, this called up an old photo from a magazine in which my husband, who shares his last name, is indeed perched on a toilet. In his defense, he is
A Few Small Complaints About Bowl Sinks (Etc) (opens the original)
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Last year, my New Year’s resolution was to “only honk in case of emergencies.” This year it was to “be less negative” (hahahahahahahaha). I’m marginally achieving this boneheaded goal by “getting unreasonably mad at little tiny things” instead of stuff like, I don’t know, war, injustice, the fact that a pack of Orbit gum is now $7, etc. It also helps me to make a list, because I worry that my husband is beginning to dissociate whenever I walk in with a dishtowel on my shoulder and say the words,
For Fans of the Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald (opens the original)
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I’m probably less “concerned” about microplastics than most people, for the simple fact that I grew up spending time near Lake Erie. I went swimming in it almost every summer of my youth which means that, if you cut me open, bags of Doritos and mercury would probably fall out.If you did not grow up in the Midwestern United States, Erie is a lake. A lake is like an ocean, but smaller and just a little grosser. There are a couple of nice, big lakes all around the country for things like swimming a
Things I Bought While I Was Insane (opens the original)
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A friend of mine recently told me about a fun trend on TikTok where people with Bipolar-I disorder share what they bought while they were manic. While I’m not bipolar or on TikTok, I was able to relate to this because 1) there is still plennnnnnnty up with me, mentally, and 2) I’ve bought a bunch of things I don’t need in what we’ll call a “similarly heightened state.”I’ll tell you all about it, so you can laugh at me, or buy this stuff too if you’re also a big, anxious dope with a head full of
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