HeyJaredThe Lucyverse
I review everything that comes out of the sewage pipe of capitalism!
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 16
- Latest publication
- Sep 30, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Aug 14, 2026
Latest issues
Balls it up (opens the original)
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My son constantly plays a game on his phone called Balls, involving, as you might imagine, a lot of balls pinging around in an annoying fashion. As the lone woman in a house with two men, I’m always near balls in some capacity, and recently I’ve noticed that there are a lot of them in the supermarket, too. And I don’t mean meatballs. Or stuffing balls, or Maltesers, or all the usual round food objects we’re all used to popping into our mouths without a single moment’s thought about testicles.I m
Lord have mercy (opens the original)
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THING: Lord Nelson Sex on The Beach Cold Brew tea <img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="598" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!tBD9!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.
Temuescent Thursday (opens the original)
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Ducks are cute, aren’t they? Little waddling balls of feathers with those little funny beaks. Bless them. Unless they’re on Temu, of course. Not only does the algorithm fail to differentiate between a duck and a goose, it also misrepresents ducks by giving them negative personality traits and showing imagery that’s quite frankly harmful to the duck community. They’re either portrayed as insane, twisted motherduckers who are a menace to society, or helpless puppets we can manipulate for our amuse
Under the influencer (opens the original)
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THING: Farrow & Ball I’ve been psyching myself up to paint the hall for 13 years now and I think I might be finally ready to do it. Yay me! And because I yearn to be classier, richer and better at decorating than I actually am, I demand nothing the best: Farrow & Ball. None of your Dulux shite for me, mate. Farrow & Ball is the quintessential posh house paint with stupid names like Dead Salmon, Elephant’s Breath and er…<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/im
Jaffa fakes (opens the original)
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Can McVitie’s please patent the name Jaffa Cakes, for the love of all that is good and holy? Every time I open my eyes there’s a bunch of fake cakes jaffa-ing around out there. Everyone, from obscure online confectionary companies to Lidl, Aldi and Asda are using the name - and also, in some cases - copying the jaunty orange peel logo. Where are those hard-nosed Jellycat croissant lawyers when you need them? Honestly, they are taking the PITH. So much so that McVitie’s have desperately resorted
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