HeyJaredThe Crank
The Crank combines caustic cultural analysis with a penchant for plastic hair every Monday
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 9
- Latest publication
- Sep 28, 2026
- Audience
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 6, 2026
Latest issues
Taylor Swift has nobody to blame for Taylor Swift but Taylor Swift (opens the original)
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I once had a strange substitute teacher with curly hair and a doctorate in philosophy. He would burst into the classroom, dust away whatever busy work had been set for us, and scribble a new question on the whiteboard.Why, he asked us once, do humans do bad things? Do we not know better?
Frankenstein and the genesis of the modern incel (opens the original)
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“You must create a female for me, with whom I can live in the interchange of those sympathies necessary for my being.”Frankenstein, p. 118[…] my whole life has been one lonely enterprise. One loss after another.Christopher Harper-Mercer, ManifestoOne of my favourite pastimes is not reading the quotes at the start of things. But in this case, look again. One of these is from Christopher Harper-Mercer, a
The Crank turns one year old. Here's what you need to know. (opens the original)
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I am a big believer that birthdays should be like second weddings: short, sweet, and probably involving a potluck. I am wary of the expectation they push onto you - to laugh and smile, two of my most hated activities - and tend to keep them lowkey.So, how should I even go about celebrating the first birthday of The Crank?<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!G9jD!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.ama
You're asking the wrong questions about Callum Turner's dystopian rom-com (opens the original)
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One Night Only is a movie that has prompted a lot of questions. Why? How? And most importantly, what was Universal on when they gave this garbage the green light?<img alt="Movie Review: One Night Only" class="sizing-normal" height="
Enunciate or die, pop singers (opens the original)
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In school, my brother once got picked for a poetry recital competition. His coach was a tight, squat man who would burst across the empty classroom, demanding another go-around. “I won’t care about what you’re saying until I can hear what you’re saying,” he would yell. “Enunciate, dear boy - or die.”It’s with this story in mind that I’ve come to petal, Ariana Grande’s new album.<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="h
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