HeyJaredSweating It
notes from hell, anxious mind trash, and / or little 2am tales
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 7
- Latest publication
- Sep 16, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 12, 2026
Latest issues
in my corner #2 (opens the original)
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Some writing / living / avoiding the AI apocalypse essentials.#1 Panic baking. Pumpkin is back. Don’t be a hater. Put it in everything. It’s good for your dog’s tummy and good for yours. I improvised pumpkin banana muffins yesterday and they’ve broken my bad baking spell. How? Well, they’re edible. And that’s a real accomplishment these days.<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CU0F!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsu
inventions that should exist (opens the original)
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[straight from the notes app, list ongoing…]an animated bulb above our heads that changes colors to let others know when to approach / when to stay the fuck awaya little magic machine that washes my dishes but not messy or cumbersome, kinda like those metal germ scanning boxes for your phonea September that lets me go back to school for one week just to collect the syllabi, wear my new outfit, debut my maturing personality, and eat out of my thermus on a campus bench as I ponder who I will fall
A Delivery (opens the original)
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Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever worried you look one hundred years old so you’re doing a midday Vitamin C “brightening” face mask while you send your silly little work emails and suddenly, your nose starts bleeding, truly gushing, like the voracious, rushing waters of Niagara Falls? And as you navigate the flood, careful not to get it on your nicest Ikea pillows, the universe sends the Fedex guy to your door? Blood sputtering down that skin bridge between nose and upper lip, and he’
My Dream Day (opens the original)
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Recently somebody asked me what my “dream day” would be. What would I do? How would I spend it? Which celebrity hall pass would join me for dinner?When I answered, I had already sucked down my gargantuan iced coffee at a record-shattering speed and thus answered with the manic enthusiasm of a sorority social chair during the first week of rush.<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Emow!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsub
Summer Chicken (opens the original)
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I eat a rotisserie chicken over the sink in total darkness. Straight out of the plastic bag. It is swift. I barely come up for air. I’ve just returned from the movies – movie was just okay – haven’t even turned the lights on in the apartment, still catching the last seconds of dusk out the window, my fingers pulling a leg straight from my ready-to-go market bird, organic, don’t worry. I inhale the smell of roasted alliums, only taking the occasional break to scoop jalapeno lime tortilla chips wi
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