HeyJaredSure, Jan
Thoughts and weird shares from the brain of a neurodivergent writer.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 6
- Latest publication
- Sep 29, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 31, 2026
Latest issues
Not one of god’s strongest soldiers (opens the original)
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Last week I received arguably the Worst News Of My Entire Life, and the past two weeks have been a total mindfuck. I’m trying to adjust to a new reality with humor and grace, lest I fall into the pit of despair. This month has been superbly awful in a way that’s almost comical. I’m tired of “taking one for the team”. I don’t want to be a crash test dummy. I don’t want to learn the lesson. I’ve been told you’re not given more than you can handle but, eh? Even my therapist’s poker face twitched wh
So no one told you life was gonna be this way! (opens the original)
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The moment it starts to get colder, I tense up and the grief comes. I will deny summer’s end probably until mid October. Going to the beach when the sun is out is one of the few times I feel truly peaceful, and I practically ran to my favorite spot the past few weeks. I feel like a filing cabinet that got kicked down the stairs. Imagine what that sounds like. Imagine what it feels like when it hits the ground.I took my dog to the beach to show her what she’s been missing, and she wasn’t impresse
How to cut your Instagram time in half and lose inches off your waist! (opens the original)
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Disclaimer: this post is genuine and satirical. I wish I could say it’s an exaggeration. I suspect I’m not the only person that’s become so fed up with the false intimacy of the algorithm that they’ve almost intentionally started using it the ‘wrong’ way. I’m dropping my kid off at school in the wrong lane while the school bus honks at me, IDGAF!!! I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at M*ta. Go climb a tree after reading this!Get a Brick.The brick is the equivalent of putting a lock on the junk food dr
Why I’d rather be a regular than a member. (opens the original)
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I started swimming over a year ago, getting up insanely early so that I could do laps for twenty minutes and make it back to my apartment in time for work at 9AM. After a brief hiatus this month, I was so giddy to get back in the pool. I cannot stress how much of a pain in the ass it is to do this whole production (the subway roundtrip, the changing, the showering) before the day has even started, but it’s worth it. The handful of us who arrive before the lifeguard unlocks the doors are obviousl
The ghost in my apartment (opens the original)
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I’m writing this in the laundromat while waiting for the bedding my dog pissed on to dry. It took me six years of pet parenthood to buy plastic sheets, so aside from the fact that she peed herself in the middle of the night, the fact that my mattress isn’t soaked in urine feels like a win.I’m living dangerously because my file backup program isn’t working at the moment, and it only took me two weeks to inquire about it with customer service.Why does it take me so long to do these things? Why wou
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