HeyJaredSilentPunt
Stories and ruminations intended to provoke thought, laughter, and the occasional WTF.
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- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 5
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- Sep 25, 2026
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- Aug 6, 2026
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Before We Get Lit, A Few Housekeeping Items (opens the original)
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A few months ago I was reading a magazine - yes, an actual magazine, glossy pages and all - and saw this: <img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="1941" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Ooqe!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https
Pharmacies Used To Serve Milkshakes. Now They Serve Despair (opens the original)
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Although some may call me a curmudgeon, I must say my optimism will still occasionally bite me in the ass. As was the case earlier this week when I “popped” into CVS to pick up a prescription. And, if you’re asking why I went inside and not through the drive-through, that means you’ve clearly not attempted doing so recently. Let’s just say their efficiency would be considered troublesome at Chick-fil-A.<a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!hh4
How To Ignore A Pulitzer (opens the original)
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There is way too much information out there these days, and unfortunately, much of it has the nasty habit of contradicting what I already believe.However, I’ve devised a foolproof concept for rejecting credible reporting before it can disturb my opinions. This six-step process works for all manner of uncomfortable thoughts: politics, medicine, neighborhood Facebook groups - and, most recently, professional sports.Step 1: Decide whether you like the reporter.Last fall, Pablo Torre’s independently
A Brief Guide To Ruining Your Free Time (opens the original)
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Welp, football season is upon us. I had hoped to keep a journal about my time coaching again, with the idea of maybe turning it into a book. You know, before I get the one I’m actually working on off the ground - because I am nothing if not deluded about how long shit takes. I thought returning to football might give me something worth writing about. I did not realize returning to football would eliminate the time required to write about it.So this newsletter will have to suffice.Pre-season high
I Don't Even Really Work Here (opens the original)
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If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you are a normal, well-adjusted human who, unlike me, does not awaken every morning with a differently shitty earworm in their head (today I’m looking in the direction of that sexy bastard Ricky Martin). Therefore, you also might not see the world through the same lens as a 51-year-old bald man whose brain is perpetually trapped in 1995. While I’m not sure if that is a result of kick-out blocks, Natty Light, or the traumatic emotional repression brough
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