HeyJaredShitty Joan of Arc
Patron saint of strange things said at the dinner table. Autofictional character work and creative storytelling in an off-kilter world, in a New Yorker's voice.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 3
- Latest publication
- Jul 31, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 16, 2026
Latest issues
The Broad Who Grew Horns Out Her F%#kin' Head (opens the original)
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Girl one town over grew horns. She grew what?! Horns, like a fuckin’ goat, right out her head. Can you believe it? Kid wakes up one day with a headache, tells Daddy, skips a shift at the forge ‘cause it gets worse.Nighttime comes and she’s bleeding out her skull. Horns come through her head all fuckin’ curly and she wakes up lookin’ like a ram. That’s Devil shit. No, it ain’t. Who says the Devil’s got horns? I don’t know. He just does. The Bible don’t say it. The Bible don’t say a lot. Anyway, D
My Body is a (Shirley) Temple (opens the original)
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When I was ten, I was sippin' Shirley TemplesPresent day, I'm still sippin' Shirley Temples-Joey Valence & Brae, “NO HANDS”During the brief but persistent period of my life in which I attempted (and minimally succeeded) to find space for myself in nightlife culture, I sent so many men to the bar to fetch me water that I was, in practice, lording over my very own league of washermen to descend en masse with a crud
My First Draft is So Bad, It's Killing My Cat (opens the original)
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Esteemed British fantasy author Terry Pratchett once urged aspiring writers that “the first draft is just you telling yourself the story,” an encouraging platitude that fails to consider the outer bounds of mediocrity across which I was willing to perversely fling myself in the name of completion. More offensive yet, he fails to mourn the declining morale of the cat who watched me write the whole mess from the start.On one end of my desk hutch is a thesaurus. On the other end is a statuette of S
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