RORoss O'Carroll-Kelly

1. Article · Sep 26, 2026 · Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

   ‘We’ve been trying to break them up, haven’t we? A year or two in the clink – he won’t wait for her’ (opens the original)

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   The old man tells Hennessy that he has every faith in him. Hennessy’s like, “Wait a minute, what?” Yeah, no, we’re sitting in the District Court in Bray, waiting for Bernie’s case to be called. And Hennessy – like I said – goes, “Wait a minute, what?” The old man’s there, “You’re going to get these trumped-up charges thrown out.” “Trumped-up!” the old man goes. “The very word!” Hennessy’s there, “Charlie, they found enough stolen property in her house to sta

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2. Article · Sep 12, 2026 · Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

   ‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’ (opens the original)

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   JP looks well – even though I don’t know what to call him any more? I’m like, “So how are things – I don’t know – Father?” He’s there, “Ross, you don’t have to call me Father.” I’m like, “What do I call you then?” because it’s my first time seeing the dude since he finished his studies to become an actual priest. He goes, “Call me what you’ve always called me.” I’m there, “Sir Wanks-a-lot?” because that was his nickname when we all boarded. “I’m no

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3. Article · Sep 5, 2026 · Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

   At the end of the summer, just like the rest of you, I’m sick of the sight of my children (opens the original)

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   I think I’m on the record as saying that being a parent is one of those things that I just happen to be very, very good at without having to put any actual effort into it. Even allowing for that, at the end of a long, hot summer, just like the rest of you, I’m absolutely sick of the sight of my children and I’m glad they’re now someone else’s problem until the end of October. It’s, like, 11 o’clock in the morning and I’m sitting in – yeah, no – Gleego’s, having a coffee and

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4. Article · Aug 22, 2026 · Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

   ‘Charlie is serious about marrying this woman. You haven’t heard the worst of it yet. No prenup’ (opens the original)

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   Hennessy actually laughs when he sees me sitting at the bor with a pint of the old Dutch medicine in front of me. He’s like, “What the hell are you doing here?” Here meaning – yeah, no – The Bridge 1859. I’m like, “What do you mean? This is, like, my local?” He goes, “On your own? At six o’clock on a Sunday night?” Yeah, no, six on a Sunday is when all the divorced dads with weekend access roll in for what they famously call Unhappy Hour. He’s like, “She focked you out

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5. Article · Aug 15, 2026 · Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

   Brian, Johnny and Leo are pulling faces like they’re constipated. ‘They’re looksmaxxing’ (opens the original)

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   So me and Ronan are watching the Government jet bringing Daniel Kinahan back to Ireland on one of those geolocation tracking websites on the big TV screen in the livingroom. I’m like, “Liechtenstein? Why is that name familiar?” “It’s where Hennessy had half of your auld fedda’s muddy stashed,” Ronan goes. “Well, that’s according to the findings of the Mahon Thribudal.” I’m there, “Which my old man disputes.” He’s like, “Which Cheerlie disputes – bang on, Rosser.â€

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