HeyJaredPaul Dallison
- Indexed articles, last 90 days
- 10
- Latest publication
- Oct 2, 2026
- Outlet visibility, for Politico Europe
- Top 50K sites
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 10, 2026
Latest articles
It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel an investment opportunity coming on) (opens the original)
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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. As you will no doubt have marked in your calendars, the end of the world is scheduled for the spring of 2029 (exact timing TBC). It’s just a few weeks now since researcher Jacob Coxon announced his resignation from Anthropic, stating that AI “could kill us all by the end of the decade.” A senior safety researcher at Anthropic then claimed there was a more than 10% chance that AI “could kill all humans” within the next decade. That means humankind w
Boredom, ranting and clowns: Welcome to the UN’s big bash (opens the original)
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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. The United Nations General Assembly is a bit like Christmas with the extended family: hour after hour of extreme tedium, punctuated by the occasional offensive outburst or fistfight. This year’s Most Bored Person at UNGA Award goes to Syrian President Ahmed al-Sharaa, who was caught on camera doomscrolling and posting Instagram reels in the main assembly hall. He’s far from the only one to get distracted during a meeting, of course. In 2012, then-U
Centrist dads Carney and Burnham get ready to take on Trump (opens the original)
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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. Now that Canada has officially joined the EU (or something), there’s so much to look forward to: informal meetings of EU ministers for sport in Saskatoon; images of Drake on the currency; a Justin (whether Trudeau or Bieber) as a future president of the European Council. Yes, there’s been Canada fever in Europe this week. Prime Minister Mark Carney was treated like a rock star in Strasbourg when he arrived for the State of the Union speech given by
EU in space: Going boldly where plenty of people have gone before (opens the original)
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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. The world is such a burning dumpster fire that perhaps Europe is right to be casting envious glances toward space. The European Union is already quite a lot like outer space, of course, as it’s mysterious, ungovernable and, in the case of Brussels’ EU Quarter, has no atmosphere! Just yesterday, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen publicly endorsed a proposed space project between Airbus, Leonardo and Thales, with the three satellite
Don’t take the red pills with Trump’s face on them! (opens the original)
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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. Happy birthday to Declassified, which is turning seven (the same length as an EU budget, and just as difficult to understand). The Venn diagram of Dutch people who take drugs before going clubbing and supporters of Donald Trump is presumably just two separate circles. And yet, some drug dealers have been making ecstasy tablets shaped like the face of the U.S. president (if he were playing the role of an alien in a very early episode of Star Trek. N
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