HeyJaredNot Actually Your Therapist
Psychological and philosophical reflections on love, identity, and the beautiful yet chaotic journey of being alive.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 6
- Latest publication
- Sep 15, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 7, 2026
Latest issues
20 Things I Wish I’d Known About Love at 20 (opens the original)
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If I could sit my 20-year-old self down on a therapist’s couch, hand her a tissue, and lovingly call her out… this is exactly what I’d tell her. <img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="545" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!MmIK!,w_1456
How Do You Know If Someone Deserves a Second Chance? (opens the original)
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There comes a point in almost every relationship when those rose-colored glasses come off, and the person we love inevitably disappoints us. For the lucky few, those disappointments come in the form of an inability to load the dishwasher correctly and questionable gift-giving skills. For the unlucky ones, they create a huge chasm between the person we thought we knew and the person suddenly standing in front of us. They do something so gasp! out of character—and so out of alignment with our valu
What If You Didn’t Have to Figure Out Love Alone? (opens the original)
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Writing this newsletter has been one of the most fun, fulfilling, and genuinely rewarding things I’ve ever done. In the 10 months since I’ve started Not Actually Your Therapist, we’ve somehow grown into a community of 19,000 people from all over the world (which is still a little insane to me). Since I started writing about my own experiences with falling in love, limerence, anxious attachment, heartbreak, and all the other deeply inconvenient things our brains do in relationships, so many of yo
HOW TO BE CHARISMATIC WITHOUT TRYING SO HARD (opens the original)
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When I was thirteen, I—like many other awkward teenagers with a hidden and desperate desire to be more liked—bought Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Carnegie’s advice (which he somehow thought was groundbreaking enough to warrant an entire book) was literally six practical habits, chief among them remembering people's names, maintaining good eye contact, and acting really excited when you see someone (think about why everyone likes golden retrievers, Carnegie unironi
Does 'Right Person, Wrong Time' Actually Exist? (opens the original)
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They say timing is everything. In comedy, in the stock market, in catching the last train home. But somewhere between broken engagements and blossoming careers, I have started to wonder if timing is just love’s favorite scapegoat. This week, a question landed in my advice column that many of us have asked ourselves before: What do you do when the person is right, but the timing refuses to be? Met a guy fresh out of a
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