Nick Dean | AuDHD & OCD 🤯

1. Issue · Jul 26, 2026

   Too Old for a Public Meltdown? (opens the original)

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   Are you ever too old to have a meltdown?I ask because today, at a dinner table, in public, at an age where I should apparently know better, I had one. A big one. The kind I’m sure a passing onlooker will be talking about for days.You know the type? Where all of the bad words are coming out of your mouth, whilst the tension in your body is at an all-time high and feels like it’s going to exist forever. Where the words are so bad that even as they leave your mouth, you know you’ll regret them, and

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2. Issue · Jul 23, 2026

   I don't want accommodations. I just want to live authentically. (opens the original)

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   I spend my life explaining myself. I don’t think I am alone. I try so very, very hard.For hours each day, each week, each month, each year, an entire fucking lifetime, I’m in deep analysis of how I step forward in the world.Most of the time I like to think I am patient, considerate, and try to meet the world someway, in knowing that I can’t have everything on my own terms. As much as I’d like that to be the case.As an Autistic ADHD person growing out of burnout, eighteen months and counting, I’v

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3. Issue · Jul 15, 2026

   I overthink. I overwork. I over-do everything. I am I so boring. (opens the original)

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   I overthink everything.Well, not everything. But anything that matters.My brain primarily has two speeds - intensely rapid processing. It’ll scan, analyse and make big life changing decisions without a flicker of stress or emotion. It can multitask and leap between tasks, handling whatever is thrown at it. And there’s the brain that can leave a conversation and from nowhere, two or three hours later, a ping goes off in my mind:“Wait… I didn’t ask the question that was sitting right there in fron

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4. Issue · Jul 8, 2026

   I didn’t realise just how unwell autistic burnout made me... (opens the original)

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   Content note: this piece mentions suicidal ideation.Last week I stood up and delivered my first piece of (online) public speaking, a workplace talk on neurodiversity to an organisation in Seattle. An hour and a half of material, then questions. One of them caught me beautifully off guard: “How do you change the perception of professionalism?”I just said what I felt. I could only hear one voice. There was no narration running underneath it and doubting what would fall out of my mouth. It just flo

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5. Issue · Jul 4, 2026

   I thought I had insomnia. Turns out, it's my AuDHD (and my nervous system). (opens the original)

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   I live my best life around 3.30 a.m. each day. Time of writing this reflection: 3.25 a.m. I’ve been awake for over an hour. I’m not tired. And yet only 5 hours ago I was utterly exhausted.I’ve always been an early riser. However, as the years have progressed, I’ve increasingly found my sleep worsen through the surge of energy that arrives in my body and brain in what most would term the middle of the night.Around twelve months ago I headed to the Dr. and we talked about ‘Insomnia’. I’ve long use

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