HeyJaredModerne
A nineteenth century mind trapped inside a twenty first century body. Philosopher poet and lover of the 1800s.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 7
- Latest publication
- Sep 4, 2026
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- Jul 5, 2026
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Small Areas, Large Battles (opens the original)
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Small Areas, Large Battles Recently, several fights and large lawsuits have broken out in Northern-California. These lawsuits are for a variety of reasons, the most famous being between Environmentalists (I generalize here; but in this essay the Environmentalists spoken about will be Environmentalists who are for reduced meat-consumption, greater wildlife protection areas, the expansion of Environment Protection budgets, and whose demographic are primarily urban intellectuals) and Ranchers (who,
O Caerulus (opens the original)
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O Caerulus Once upon a time, In deep waters blue, Two whales true Bred and made A hybrid son Ay, a whale Of blue combine With a whale of toothed white To make toothed Blue longed hell Upon one cold mire Never was more aggressive Was this mixed dreg impressive Like his toothy father But big as his blue mother O Caerulus, thou white whale For thy soul is mixed as An Irish bottle of ale Thine
Two Poems (opens the original)
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An Atheist’s Sermon Once I walked upon a field of hot coals Not earth, embered sin I found I could not proceed, lay forgot while the dreadful hot gnawed upon my soul like Dante’s Inferno I burned through faithfully Found no pure divinity Only man’s debauchery Clothed as heavenly trinity but I, like Socrates have too suffered death, and like King Saul It was my fall, but the strings of faith <
The Duel (opens the original)
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The Duel Am I gone? Have I awoken from that slumber Called death, to see A horrid hunk Pocked and bleeding still Staring at me Tis I, Gargableth The man you cursed so Foolishly as you walked You blasted devil! Alas! Gargableth, I recognized You, by your hairy voice And uncouth savagery Marileth, it is time for you To pay your debt That you owe me Gargableth, never will I pay Y
The Liquor Wars (opens the original)
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“Dearly beloved, gathered here today, we celebrate the union of justice and fiscal responsibility. Today, we ban the addictive substances of Benzene, Cocaine, Marihuana, Morphine, Heroin, Opium and nearly all Opium derived substances. Today we let our government rest, and let them begin destroying the evil traders of Opium and the evil makers of Marihuana. Today, dearly beloved, we celebrate the passing of the Anslinger Act! said Harry J. Anslinger, April first,1936. “Our horses stop suddenly, s
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