HeyJaredMillennial AF
If you're too tired for late nights, too young for early-bird specials, & are still mad low-rise jeans are back, you've come to the right place.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 12
- Latest publication
- Sep 27, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 5, 2026
Latest issues
Looking for: An emergency contact (opens the original)
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I started a new job this week1. This isn’t about that. This also isn’t about my inability to fill out a tax form on my own.2 This is about emergency contacts.Who the F am I supposed to put as an emergency contact?!There are plenty of people in my life who would be there in a second if I needed them in an emergency. But there are exactly ZERO people in my life who would pick up a call from an unknown number. That is where the problem lies.</p
I spent 20 years avoiding Gilmore Girls (opens the original)
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My hometown is hosting a Gilmore Girls festival this October. I’ve since learned this is less like getting picked to host the Olympics and more like something that several cities across the US are already doing, complete with panels from the cast. I guess I can withdraw my application to run a ceremonial coffee pot like an Olympic torch.Still, it’s an interesting choice given the lore(lai) of Gilmore Girls takes place in a fictional Connecticut town with actual seasons. I grew up in a suburb of
My Top 8 is not up for debate (opens the original)
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Best played with Dolly Parton's 9-5 for full Myspace effect. And also in honor of two developments: honoring Dolly, and me getting a new 9 to 51! <div
I’ve been training for this my whole life... (opens the original)
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I bet you didn’t know this about me, but I’m a coach.A football coach.… for a fantasy team.This is my eleventh season as owner & head coach for My TDs Are Real, which somehow makes me more qualified to give football advice than I was to rank baseball stadiums.1 Despite over a decade of experience, I still don&#
OMG they’re back again (opens the original)
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This isn’t going to be about deep regret for not getting Backstreet Boys Sphere tickets.1 Something else from our childhood is back again, but not in a “Backstreet’s back, alright” kind of way.Actually, it’s a few things:ESPRIT (at Costco).Limited Too (at Kohl’s).dELiA*s (at Target).<a class="image-link image2" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!5Vhv!,f
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