HeyJaredMILK - Mum I'd Like to Know
30 something mum to a toddling whirlwind. Writing about motherhood, womanhood and how society shapes both. Sometimes deep, sometimes funny, most times a bit of both. Honest reflections on the ups, downs and sideways. Probably exposing myself.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 9
- Latest publication
- Sep 24, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 9, 2026
Latest issues
No, breastfeeding is not like getting your knob out (opens the original)
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As someone who has been breastfeeding for 3 and a half years, you’d think I’d be fairly accustomed to the discourse - and for the most part I am.A lot of it is directed at women like me. Women who are still breastfeeding once their babies have stopped being babies and have become children and are therefore old enough to give up their mother’s milk and move on to the milk of a lactating cow they’ve never even met.This is typically where we see most of the energy poured - you know, the familiar st
I was embarrassed of my mum because she wasn’t MILFy enough (opens the original)
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I realised the other day that at roughly age 11 I would have quite liked it if the boys in my class fancied my mum.I understand this is a fairly alarming thing to open an article with so before you call the police, allow me to explain.<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height=
3 and a half years of breastfeeding and still no solo trip to the Amalfi coast (opens the original)
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Apparently, I have married badly.Which is quite an achievement, given that I’m not actually married. After 10 years together, 4 of which have been spent engaged, I have come to the very sorry conclusion that my choice in life partner has been a catastrophic failure.I know, I know. It’s a lot to take in.You’re probably wondering what happened. What did he do? Did he cheat? Has he been leading a double life? Did he murder someone? Is he, as we speak, hiding another family in Blackpool?No - it’s so
An open letter to Michael Owen - tell your kids you love them, Michael. (opens the original)
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I’d actually already written my first Substack post back after a month away - a nice little reflective piece about where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing and realising that I am not, in fact, a famous writer. I’d even managed to squeeze in a couple of I’m A Celebrity jokes about my triumphant return to the public eye.And then Michael Owen pissed me off.So you’re getting this instead.<
A needy baby? How very inconvenient. (opens the original)
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Imagine, if you will, my partner and I preparing to do the thing that is apparently required to make baby number two. Stay with me - this isn’t a porno.I am sat on the edge of the bed having a somewhat one way conversation with his ball bag. Look, I told you to stay with me. Well, hello boys (and girls?) Before we go any further, I need to have a word with you, and by ‘you’ I the sperm with aspirations of becoming my second child. Obviously there are millions of you and only one of you is going
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