HeyJaredMay I Please Be Excused
Reporting live from the audacity and thrill of modern existence.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 4
- Latest publication
- Aug 20, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 7, 2026
Latest issues
Jean With The Chimes (opens the original)
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I’m sure you’re all familiar with a certain breed of #upstate influencer who makes sure to share all the filtered natural grandor that us here in the Hudson Valley experience every second of the summer that it is not raining. Vibes consist of things like wild flower meadows, diners, “swimming holes,” and artisanal fro-yo. Any given Saturday you might catch them picking wild berries before going to a brewery, or reading Caro Claire Burke beside a rectangular saltwater pool. More aligned with my p
Fetty Wap, Take the Wheel (opens the original)
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Today’s post, the grand finale of my Tri Training series, is free for everyone. But becoming a paying subscriber is the equivalent of you buying me a post-race mini marg at Kittens. Just, you know, on Substack. Here are links to installments one, two, the fan favorite “Pool People,” <a href="https://mayipleasebeexcused.substack
"Let's Gooooooo is the Male Equivalent of Slay" (opens the original)
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This is my new summer series documenting training for the Block Island Sprint Triathlon as a race-curious, comfort-loving perimenopausal bad bitch. It’s only for Paid subscribers because I’ve never trained for completed a tri and so things could will get weird.Installment one, two, the fan favorite three, “Pool People,” and <a hr
The English Language (opens the original)
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This is my new summer series documenting training for the Block Island Sprint Triathlon as a race-curious, comfort-loving perimenopausal bad bitch. It’s only for Paid subscribers because I’ve never trained for a tri and so things could will get weird.Installment one, two, and the fan favorite <a href="https://mayipleasebeexcused.substack.co
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