HeyJaredLens
Better thinking about marketing, content, strategy, and life. Dropped occasionally like a surprise mixtape.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 8
- Latest publication
- Sep 21, 2026
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- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 6, 2026
Latest issues
Life in the fast lane, surely make you lose your mind (opens the original)
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Hello friends. It’s Monday, and three news organizations showed up to work at the White House this weekend to find their badges no longer worked. CNN, MS NOW, and Politico: all out. The President’s explanation was refreshingly direct: “You get so tired of reading and seeing fake news.”I get it. I’m tired of my bathroom scale. My doctor. The check engine light. It just never occurred to me that the solution was to confiscate their lanyards.But I digress.Anyw
Do what they say, say what you mean... (opens the original)
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Hello friends. Happy Monday.As we finish the first weekend of the NFL, the CDC has officially sounded the all-clear on the Great Taco Bell Lettuce Purge of 2026. Nearly 13,000 casualties across 21 states sacrificed their gastrointestinal peace to a rogue parasite, forcing this great nation to confront a devastating truth: absolutely nobody is ordering a Chalupa Supreme for the salad. The shredded green garnish of death has returned. May God have mercy on your fiber intake.In completely unrelated
Don’t You Forget About Me (opens the original)
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Hello friends. It’s the Tuesday after Labor Day, and Sunday it rained in Los Angeles. Actual water, from the actual sky. It rained so much that our bougie grocery store Erewhon is already bottling the puddles and selling them as an 'artisanal sky cleanse' for $32." The last time this happened was 2015, right before a monster El Niño, so… something something something climate change. I’m not a scientist. I just live here.Meanwhile, the “who would miss us” theme of this week’s edition arrived earl
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (opens the original)
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Hello friends. It’s Monday, and I’m writing to you from the freshly rebranded shores of “Lake America,” formerly known as Lake Ontario. To quote The Dude from The Big Lebowski “Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.”Canada, rightfully, has questions. The fish have more. The 25% tariff assessed on any walleye swimming past Rochester. Payable in roe. The smelt, I'm told, are furious.But I digress.Meanwhile, Tom Cruise announ
Sign, sign everywhere a sign (opens the original)
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Hello friends. It’s been a minute.Since we last spoke, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds aired an episode in which a transporter accident turns the entire crew into puppets, and Spock, the only one left with a pulse, has to take the ship back from a bridge full of felt. Half the fandom cheered. The other half wanted to speak to the manager about the tonal integrity of a franchise that once had space-hippies calling Captain Kirk a “Herbert” (slang for a stiff, establishment square) and unironically s
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