HeyJaredJake's Takes
In high school I had a humor column called "Jake's Takes" and I'd like to think this is like that but worse.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 3
- Latest publication
- Sep 9, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Aug 10, 2026
Latest issues
Mentally, I’m Still in 11th Grade (opens the original)
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My younger brother just started 11th grade, and I just scanned most of my 11th grade papers into an industrial-grade scanner in my hometown library, so 11th grade has been on my mind. It was the most influential school year of my life, but mostly because I was in love with my English teacher who taught two of my classes (American Literature and AP Writing). Because of this, I was obsessed with being the most hilarious and thoughtful person in class. In practice, I was a kiss-ass brown noser who
On Acne (opens the original)
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I can count on one hand how many pimples I had in high school. My routine involved swimming in chlorinated pools, slopping greasy sunscreen all over my face and rarely washing it off, and a pathological avoidance of vegetables that continues to this day (I’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years). That is to say, my lifestyle was not “clear skin friendly,” and yet my skin was clear. It’s mostly genetics and hormones. People (doctors, well-meaning short-form content creators, less-well-meaning short-fo
This is a True Story (opens the original)
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This is a true story. It’s with this promise that many Yiddish folktales begin. These stories are about magic and flying prophets and princes who turn to geese.Thanks for reading Jake's Takes! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.<div class=
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