HeyJaredI Already Spent the $200
Former comedian turned husband and father Joseph C. Simmons writes on how his life got to this. Please subscribe to have a few laughs or at least learn from his mistakes.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 2
- Latest publication
- Sep 25, 2026
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- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Sep 18, 2026
Latest issues
Trust Me, I Don’t Want to Be Here Either (opens the original)
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I have three jobs. You know, because the economy is just banging. Now, I’ll grant you, it doesn’t look like I have three jobs. I spend a lot of time in my pajamas. I can decide not to work any day I want. If I want to take off for a couple weeks’ vacation, I don’t have to ask anyone shit. To an unknown observer, it probably looks like I have zero jobs.But, if you check out my LinkedIn, not only do I have three jobs (“Multiple Focuses”), they are all listed as “full time”. I’m a regular workaholi
I’m Not Dead (opens the original)
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I’m not dead. Or dying. Or in Depends. Just figured I’d get that out there, since in my last piece—in November of freaking 2025—I casually announced my GI doctor was worried I may have colon cancer and insisted I needed an emergency colonoscopy. Then I went on to completely disappear from Substack. Shit. I shouldn’t be admitting this. What I should be doing is saying that my wife is the one typing here, that I’m just barely hanging on, my medical bills are skyrocketing, and could you plea
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