HeyJaredHoney Badger Times
Works of fiction for educational and entertainment purposes.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 12
- Latest publication
- Sep 25, 2026
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 3, 2026
Latest issues
Striking Out (opens the original)
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I had my suspicions she had just left me for another guy. I decided to walk to work that day instead of taking the bus. I took a route I normally wouldn’t have taken. And there she was walking hand-in-hand with another guy. A guy I knew. Did it hurt? Yes. But not as much as when I arrived at work. The radio was on. The Evil DJ in the Sky decided to play Leatherneck Jamboree: Bye, Bye Love (1958) by the Everly Brothers. There goes my baby with someone newShe sure looks happy, I sure am blueShe wa
Heteropoda Venatoria (opens the original)
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Recently, I have been seeing ads on YouTube urging American citizens abroad to vote in the upcoming mid-term elections. The ads feature the usual Hollywood creeps and one of these creeps is Jane “Cheese” Fonda. She hasn’t fermented well and is now moldy. Any advice given to me by moldy cheese will be ignored. In my youth, I despised these creatures. Human beings have a natural repulsion to snakes, spiders, and even moldy cheese. Why? Because this was passed down from our ancestors who would ofte
The World Does not Always Love a Clown (opens the original)
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There is a bar in my neighborhood in which I am somewhat a regular. For about eight years, I hadn’t had a drink. Not a drop. Well, actually a drop. It was in the form of vanilla extract. Other than that, none. That all ended during The Coof. I had passed the establishment during the height of The Coof at least once a night—it is on the way home. Every time I passed, I saw the staff unmasked. What a wonderful reason to start drinking again, I thought. One day, I took myself up on the offer and we
2020: The Year I Realized Everyone is Retarded (opens the original)
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Today is August 29th, 2026. The time, 20:23. That is 8:23PM for you regular folks. Location? An expensive hotel in Yokohama. The night before I was in Shimoda in another expensive hotel. The benefits of being married to someone who has hotel perks from the company she works for. She also has excellent spider-catching skills. I take out my notebook, pen, and phone out of my bag to begin writing. I open my phone to check for messages when I noticed the time: 20:20. This was the fourth time I have
The Helen Keller Darts Academy (opens the original)
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I once pissed someone off when I told “them” I was going to start my own business. And that business was the Helen Keller Darts Academy. It wasn’t the first time I pissed someone off with my words and it certainly wasn’t the last. I refer to them as “them” because I don’t really remember anything about “them”. I felt satisfaction in revealing another fraud, some virtue-signaling creature was pissed off I was making fun of a blind person. She was also deaf. Sort of. I felt shame. I realized I had
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