HeyJaredherbst.ack
essays about books, movies, classical music, politics. fiction about who knows.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 5
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- Sep 21, 2026
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- Jul 15, 2026
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will writing conjure love? (opens the original)
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Warning: this essay contains spoilers about the movies Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight, and the very nature of love itself. <img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="872" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!p-S5!,w_1456,c_limit,f_au
IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH HELL WILL YOU BRING ME BACK A LATTE? (opens the original)
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I guess the first thing that happened was that I died. Well, clearly that’s hyperbole — a hook, if you will — say I partook in the rituals of death. I was on a hospital bed as I felt my body betray me, not gradually but in rapid succession, fingers, hands, arms, legs, until I couldn’t even speak, just listened to the phone speaker in my ear. My mom’s voice was on the line. My body was a dead fact beyond the reach of my mind. I really, really didn’t want to die. And then, poof. You know, nothing.
HOW TO WIN AT MUSIC (opens the original)
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1. In Which I Immediately Jinx MyselfIt is tremendously risky writing about an audition the week before I am to take it. So what, though? My profession is full of superstitious cowards, but me — I’m happy to step on metaphysical rakes for all of time. I’m not going to win or lose because of a Substack post, OK?The thing is, the moment the audition is done, the body revolts against the artificial contortion you teach it for weeks in the lead-up. There is nothing interesting to say afterwards (eit
preliminary materials for a theory of "Europe" (opens the original)
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I return from Europe (France, Slovakia, Poland) and have some thoughts. First, though, I wrote two essays for other publications:The Vanguard Orchestra for the blog (a community I am a member of)How to Start a Literary Scene for .If you want me to write for your publication, be in touch.<p cl
PACHELBEL'S CANON IS A PSYOP (opens the original)
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herbst.ack has been a 47 month experiment by the CIA. thank you for your time, and remember to subscribe for free. 1. I DIDN’T ASK TO BE THE AUTHORITY ON
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