HeyJaredElinor Jones
- Indexed articles, last 90 days
- 6
- Latest publication
- Sep 7, 2026
- Outlet visibility, for Portland Mercury
- Top 1M sites
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 13, 2026
Latest articles
THE TRASH REPORT: Anne Hathaway Frightens Randy Quaid, and JD Vance and Virginian Bats Frighten Us All - Portland Mercury (opens the original)
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Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! It’s me, Elinor Jones. You might remember me from…well, here, basically. I cannot stop contributing to this outlet. It’s been 15 years. (I started when I was very young, which explains how I am still young. Sooo young.) I hope you all are ready to gossip, because I sure am. The dumpster is opening up with something extra gross so get ready in 3…2… Apparently Vice President JD Vance has recently lost some weight. I didn’t notice, which is good, because
THE TRASH REPORT: Middle-Aged Women Rarely Make History - Portland Mercury (opens the original)
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Hi, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I am Elinor Jones, recovering from a gorgeous end-of-the-summer visit to Enchanted Forest. They put those signs at the front of the rickety rides warning people with back or heart problems not to get on them, but like, do they want adults to go on the rides with their children or not? You show me a parent without back and heart problems, and I’ll show you a parent who either never forced their squirmy child into a carseat or isn’t paying attent
Jonathan Van Ness Thinks Portland Is “Stunning” - Portland Mercury (opens the original)
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Queer Eye star Jonathan Van Ness is one busy icon. If you haven’t watched them transform locks on TV, you may have read one of their three best-selling books, or fallen down a self-care rabbit hole with them on their podcast Getting Better. And they also do stand-up—deeply charming stand-up. In recent years, they’ve been touring and performing stand-up comedy all over the world. But their upcoming show, Hot and Healed, at Revolution Hall on August 28 touches on topics perfect for an election yea
THE TRASH REPORT: The Latest on Trump, Taylor, and the Loss of Third Spaces - Portland Mercury (opens the original)
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Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! Tis I, Elinor Jones. I am so happy that the wildfire smoke cleared up, aren’t you? I hate when the end times are so noticeable. Better to have blue skies with all that apocalypse on the other side of a mountain range, I say! Without all that looming gloom, we can focus on what really matters: gossip! Donald Trump got busted last week for having a scalp and hair situation, like the bad guy at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade after he drank
THE TRASH REPORT: The Weather Can Be Gossip, in That Gossip Is Both Hot and Cool - Portland Mercury (opens the original)
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Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! I am, as you know, Elinor Jones. I am so glad that you are here and I have some things to discuss! So gather round, my sweet idiots, and let’s talk trash. Sunlight is the greatest disinfectant, but it can also make some things that are gross infinitely grosser. Case in point: the aging meatsack currently living in the White House. Instead of using summertime to do anything cool to bring up his historically dogshit popularity, Trump is instead visiting
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For Portland Mercury, the outlet · Measured Aug 1, 2026
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