HeyJaredDomestic Detail
Suburban neurosis delivered with love from Karori, Wellington
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 10
- Latest publication
- Sep 25, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 5, 2026
Latest issues
A tale of two cities (opens the original)
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It’s been brought to your attention that you can’t carry on like this. There have been signs, you suppose. In the bath, reaching for something, your stomach corrugates like a bach roof. A blazer is too tight across your back. Knickers feel eaten, disappearing when you move. Whenever you take them off they go limp, seeming exhausted. This has happened very quickly, without your noticing. Your routines have been the same. Your meals are endlessly the same. If someone tells you again your hormones
We’re Not in Need of Meat (opens the original)
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The first bud has broken on the cherry tree, a day earlier than last year. You note this in your diary, citizen scientist.<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="3213" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ZljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_
Trout in a pink coat (opens the original)
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Four buttons came off your new Flo & Frankie shirt in the dryer. FOUR! This is why you hardly ever shop for clothes. The disappointment after the first wash is too painful.You’re driving your son across town in a newsworthy downpour, the gutters foaming and water sheeting across the road. He’s pleased because today in class, his group was voted Best Presentation. This was for their talk about the Colosseum, and the ancient Roman street food on offer to gladiator fans. Excellent topic, you think.
Snog, Marry, Avoid (opens the original)
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The school bus is arriving at any minute, and your son has lost his toothbrush. “I left it here,” he says, pointing at the bathroom shelf. From there his fingertip moves like a divining stick to the bath, where you’ve left a tub of cleaning supplies. His brush is spiked inside it, bristles-down, next to the Jif.“There!” he shouts, with horror. “What’s it doing there?”“I must’ve mistaken it for my cleaning one,” you say. Then, to yourself, “I probably used it on the taps.”It was as if you’d clubb
Wet fish (opens the original)
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<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="1092" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!aVVZ!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5eae0300-e449-4442-9ebe-aa16c5e54ff5_1600x1200.p
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