HeyJaredChristopher Kelsall’s Substack
You will be subject to a broad array of opinion articles and humour in the form of wordplay, satire, potential nonsense, and culture-focussed content
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 11
- Latest publication
- Sep 29, 2026
- Audience
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- Earliest in this view
- Aug 6, 2026
Latest issues
Hermannator: Earth’s heavenly nectar and the ties that bind (opens the original)
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Dear reader: You may feel as though you have read this one before. If you were around last year, you probably did. This version, however, is much tidier and more professional-like.Anyway, this is the time of year when the bears begin to consider fattening up, the owls hoot outside your window while eyeing mice in the dark, and European wall lizards slither deeper into the earth for their winter hibernation as the days and nights grow cool……and it is at this time that the brewers are busy-busy ma
A jarring disparity in decorum (opens the original)
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The Right Honourable Mark Carney, Prime Minister of Canada, orated yet another outstanding speech in Europe that, upon its completion, garnered an extended standing ovation from the cadre of talent in attendance. The speech was delivered with great contrast in comparison to the cacophony of nonsense that spews unfiltered from the President of the USA, Donald J. Trump, and it is jarring and potentially triggering for those who are confronted by it. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive
Does he even understand when metaphor is in the air? (opens the original)
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The last thing Donald Trump expected in Dublin was a book of poetry. Yet that is exactly what Irish President Catherine Connolly placed in his hands: a volume of Michael Longley’s work featuring his sonnet “Ceasefire,” alongside a St. Brigid’s Cross and a copy of the Voyage of Saint Brendan.It is difficult to imagine a more carefully chosen collection for a leader who has made the normalization of violence a feature of his political vocabulary. The St. Brigid’s Cross offers a symbol of peace; th
Unintended results: U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement went nuts over electrifying gloves (opens the original)
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Dear constant reader: Bonus round. I know I just published a misophonia article rewrite, but this is important, late-breaking, exclusive news: It must be read. If you haven’t done the super affordable paid subscription yet, don’t worry about it. When I cry, I cry alone. Happy reading. Unintended results: U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement went nuts over electrifying glovesU.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has awarded a $16.7 million contract to purchase six thousand pairs of g
Nothing strengthens authority like silence: Misophonia, the not so silent killer (opens the original)
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Dear reader: If you have been a subscriber for a couple of years, this one may seem familiar, because it is. But the substantial rewrite and edit should make you forget the first time-like a bad date... “Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”— Leonardo da VinciJimmy and Arlene had begun to wonder why they were no longer receiving dinner invitations from their group of friends.This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my
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