HeyJaredBewilder
Welcome to Bewilder, a KCMO based newsletter about the creative, structured events of Nettie Zan. Each Monday, all subscribers receive an essay with upcoming events listed at the bottom. Essay topics range from art, meditation, yoga, mental health n more.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 12
- Latest publication
- Sep 28, 2026
- Audience
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- Earliest in this view
- Jul 6, 2026
Latest issues
6 mile river swim (opens the original)
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The year is 2018. The facebook post I made says something like this:who wants to swim 6 miles in the river? meet us at XYZ location Sunday at 3 pm. NO PHONES, NO ITEMS. Only wear river shoes and bring a pool noodleHonestly, I didn’t think anyone would come. But my son Jasper, his partner, Cassia say they want to join! This is great news, because I know they both know what they are doing on the river. Rex, a local queer artist says they will join, plus a bunch more folks I really don’t know that
My Path of Complex Trauma (opens the original)
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So what happened and how does it get healed?Aw geez! How do I even tell this story in an essay. I need to write three more books! Ok here goes.Maybe I begin by saying I’m an 8 of 10 on the ACES childhood adversity scale. That is to say I grew up hard and poor. It’s not an uncommon story and mine is on par with any other groovy queerdo who’s struggled with suicidal ideations for almost a full lifetime. Sexual abuse and rape, ongoing neglect at home, poverty, and along with a staggering amount of
I’m 50 on Sunday! (opens the original)
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In 2025, I hosted a NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) workshop and the group was really amazing. This band of creatives didn’t want to unband and our monthly sessions evolved and have been meeting ever since. Some of the folks went on their own way, new folks joined us, and I have to say that this Writers Group has been one of the most moving and supportive circles I’ve been part of. Real friendships have grown out of the interaction, and much art has been made!We’ve seen folks through la
The power of speaking your truth (opens the original)
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Saying to myself, “hmn, I’m going to find a way to safely get beaten to the point of near unconsciousness” may not sound like the beginning of a story about healing. But if you have taken much of your identity from withstanding horrific pain, as I have, you’ll be smiling right now with the inside scoop. Pain can be healing.My friend Dan and I used to talk a lot about how cutting saved our lives back in the day. This is an unpopular idea among what Dan would call the Normies, and what I would cal
what it's like in my dreams (opens the original)
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I spent a good decade or more writing my dreams down every day. My golly, there were countless notebooks of never-read-again dreams. I practiced dreaming. I got to where I could remember (the record number here) 9 dreams in a row in a single night … and the interstitials between them. That means I could also remember how the dreams went from one to the next.I developed an “inner dream observer”, I guess. This observer has managed to stick around in the decades since I’ve been looser with my reco
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