HeyJaredBetches News
The most painless way to get informed. Five times a week, we'll make you laugh about what's going on in the world to keep you from crying.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 19
- Latest publication
- Sep 30, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Aug 19, 2026
Latest issues
A Republican senator tried to nail Jack Smith for perjury and immediately airballed (opens the original)
Read excerpt
Babe wake up, a new “Four Seasons Total Landscaping Moment” has droppedBeing a woman who pays attention to the news this week has been rough, but yesterday, Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt made an absolute utter fool of himself in front of the whole country, and it really lifted my spirits. It’s been a good long time since we could all band together to point and laugh like this at a Republican, and I think we should savor it. Not only did Schmitt catastrophically flop like a clown slipping on a ba
Congrats, your taxes are now funding Trump’s personal ad campaign (opens the original)
Read excerpt
When I say “Go Big Red” I am exclusively talking to Jane Doe and the reporters at the Cornell Daily SunMost of the time when I tell people that I went to Cornell, my main concern is avoiding sounding like The Office’s Andy Bernard. Over the last couple of days, that concern has been drowned out by a persistent whining noise as I become momentarily incapacitated by rage. It’s a rage that takes me back to 2017, when my friends and I poured our deepest traumas out for the public and it seemed like
Trump spent years trashing China, then literally rolled out the red carpet for Xi (opens the original)
Read excerpt
Happy Dolly Parton Day! Seek revenge against your sexist bossCongrats to all the Swifties enjoying their little treat today – my personal conspiracy theory is that “Cleveland!” isn’t about her actual husband’s hometown, but a fanfiction about if Liz Lemon had actually married Floyd and moved to Cleveland on 30 Rock. Today is Dolly Parton Day in many municipalities (because it’s 9/25 a.k.a Nine Two Five), so it’s a good day to band together with your work friends and take
Susan Collins was caught up in an FBI corruption probe before Trump shut it down (opens the original)
Read excerpt
Oh I bet Susan Collins is concernedLast night I spent several unfortunate hours falling down a Taylor Swift conspiracy theory rabbit hole on TikTok, thanks to the Swift teasing a new single dropping this Friday (and this morning following that up with an announcement of the encore to Life of a Showgirl), and I actually now fully understand how one gets radicalized onl
ICE shot a DoorDash driver in Austin, now even his lawyers can’t find him (opens the original)
Read excerpt
Be the Seth Cohens you want to see in the worldThis weekend I took a little road trip 2 hours southeast of L.A. to Temecula. It’s a gorgeous wine region and cute town, but that’s not why I was there (although I did get some wine). I was there to knock on doors with Swing Left in CA-48 in hopes of electing Marni Von Wilpert to Congress in a district currently represented by Republican Darrell Issa, who is retiring. I normally phone-bank during elections, but this
Publishing over time
Last 90 days. Choose a month to open its work.
Recurring subjects
Named in the text we hold. One piece can cover several.
Audience
No verified audience measurement yet.
About this data
Counts cover the work we have indexed. Tone needs enough text and a confident classification. Excerpts and episode notes are not full articles or transcripts.
Identity or attribution wrong? Suggest a correction.