HeyJaredAsk A Bitchface
Real life advice, mostly hilarious commentary. Tangents, arguments, and ridiculousness prone to happen. Author of 1-800-Fuckboy, available @https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/1-800-fuckboy-april-hawkins/1146485686.
- Indexed issues, last 90 days
- 14
- Latest publication
- Sep 27, 2026
- Audience
- Checking…
- Earliest in this view
- Jul 12, 2026
Latest issues
My Mom Made Me Write Essays... (opens the original)
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<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="971" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!hHAN!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1e26427c-b5f8-4249-8d73-15318bc83c5d_4272x2848.j
I’ve Been Watching Too Much Mamdani... (opens the original)
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Legit, I think Mamdani is where they find the chemicals necessary to produce anti-depressants. The man is a machine, and he motivates me like Jeezy does. Well, not just like Jeezy does. I don’t find myself at the scale with a box of Ziplocs when I watch too much Mamdani, but you get the point I’m trying to make. Earlier, I was talking with someone who reminded me, and not gently, that shit hasn’t even started to get tight around here yet. We haven’t reached that dreaded day where Yam Tits polici
Who Wants To Go To Romania With Me? (opens the original)
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<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="971" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!JWIP!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6b50b671-3ba3-44b5-9486-938ff4a720e6_1536x1024.pn
You’ll Feel Terrible About Yourself Today... (opens the original)
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<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="1875" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!bjSD!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fca2a5cbb-f031-4831-91e1-0ff2c4d00a6e_1238x1875.p
I Really Hate To Judg-... (opens the original)
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<img alt="" class="sizing-normal" height="580" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!J8Wr!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F734a3ee8-1713-4d1c-aabf-e59b3a9e795d_720x580.jpeg"
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